Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
