How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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