people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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