last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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