i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
