I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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