I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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