Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
