The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
