Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
