don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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