Need sex. Gaining weight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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