Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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