the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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