I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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