I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize