i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
