drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
