His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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