everyone is single if you try hard enough
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
