we're chasing vodka with high fives
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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