Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
