you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
