WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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