k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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