like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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