He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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