sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
