Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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