She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
bring money and cleavage
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Still dying that you shit outside
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
