Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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