well I can't set my house on fire every night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
