I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
