Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
