omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
