just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize