from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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