Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
