Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
