Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
