remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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