I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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