I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
