Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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