I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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