You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
