What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
