My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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