Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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