i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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