I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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