I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize