I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
