yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
