Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
