She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
