dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
