The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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