I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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