I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
