i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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