I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
