it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
