Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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