Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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