Swine flu. Run for my life!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i out mim tonsoeep
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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