How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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