I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
