i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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