and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
