We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
