This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He shit in the fireplace
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
