Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
