i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
